Small screen gems give way to silver screen

by Joshua Maloni
Dispatch, May 7, 2004
Sentinel, May 8, 2004

Now what do we do?

That’s the anthem every May as the television season draws to a close. What do we watch? Who will we live vicariously through?

Not to worry: Hollywood has you covered. As one medium ends, one picks up. Tinseltown shifts gears and rotates your seat cushions. Just as your seat groove begins to fade back into the living room sofa, make a new one at your favorite multiplex.

Van Helsing (Out) – Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale
He played Wolverine. She played Selene, a werewolf-hunting vampire. The natural progression then would be to team them up and have them hunt an array of legendary werewolves, vampires and the like.

Troy (May 14) – Brad Pitt, Orlando Bloom, Eric Bana
Rule one of this fight club: Bring lots of friends. Bloom, fresh from Lord of the Rings and Bana fresh from less-than-incredible Hulk, team with Pitt on this big-screen version of the epic high school must-read.

Coffee and Cigarettes (May 14) – Various artists appear in vignettes

Shrek 2 (May 19) – voices of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz
The green ogres are back and they’re a-multiplying. Myers (Cat in the Hat) and Murphy (Haunted Mansion) revisit familiar stomping grounds after so-so follow-up projects.

The Day After Tomorrow (May 28) – Dennis Quaid
The world is threatened by forces beyond its control. Judging from the trailer, we liked it better when it was called Independence Day.

Raising Helen (May 28) – Kate Hudson, Joan Cusack
Hudson’s stock as a romantic/sentimental comedy queen will rise if this Helen is pursued as much as her Iliad-esque namesake.

Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban (June 4) – Daniel Radcliffe
Harry, Hermione and that red-haired kid return for another magic go-round. God help these kids when puberty kicks in.

The Stepford Wives (June 11) – Nicole Kidman, Matthew Broderick

The Chronicles of Riddick (June 11) – Vin Diesel

Around the World in 80 Days (June 16) – Jackie Chan
Jackie Chan does his own stunts. Hopefully one day he’ll do some acting, too. It’ll take longer than 80 days to wipe this stinker from memory.

The Terminal (June 18) – Tom Hanks, Catherine Zeta-Jones

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (June 25) – Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn

Spider-Man 2 (June 30) – Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst
The most anticipated movie of the summer, the webslinger returns to save the girl and crush the box office.

King Arthur (July 2) – Clive Owen, Kiera Knightley

Anchorman (July 9) – Will Ferrell Goulet!

I, Robot (July 16) – Will Smith

Catwoman (July 23) – Halle Berry

The Bourne Supremacy (July 23) – Matt Damon, Franka Potente

The Village (July 30) – Joaquin Phoenix

Thunderbirds (July 30) – Ben Kingsley

Shall We Dance? (July 30) – Jennifer Lopez, Richard Gere
Lopez has failed at the box office, and soared on the Billboard charts. The former “Fly Girl” dancer hopes to take the tiebreaker with this pic.

Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (August 11) – Anne Hathaway

Alien Vs. Predator (August 13) – Scary monsters
The winner gets to take on Sponge Bob. That kid lives in a pineapple under the sea, and they’re not one bit happy about it.

Collateral (TBD) – Tom Cruise
The usually dapper Cruise gruffs it up as a contract killer. You’d be mad too if you lost his looks.

All release dates are subject to change.